Stop "gaming" the path of love!
Instead of “gaming” dating and relationships into a win/lose strategy, let’s use every interaction as a window for understanding who we are—so that we’re no longer slaves to the unconscious demons that sabotage our actual ability to love.
After all, relationships are windows into our soul. They’re an unparalleled opportunity to look inside.
When we become deeply aware of how we relate to others—without denial or self-deception—we begin to TRULY know ourselves.
Self-knowledge is where personal freedom begins. Without it, our ability to relate to others in authentic and fulfilling ways is forever handicapped—no matter how “good at the dating game” we are.
This type of inquiry is not always easy, but it’s liberatory. It expands our ability to love, and ironically, it makes us DEEPLY attractive to others. Who doesn’t want a partner who knows themselves, loves themselves, and conducts their lives from a place of personal freedom? :)
There are literally endless rewards that come from cultivating self-awareness in our relationships:
Ease in communication
Reduced anxiety
Self-trust
Solid inner peace
Improved connection with others in all contexts (work, family, intimacy, romance, etc.)
Warning: Inquiring honestly into how we relate to others is not for the faint of heart. When we conduct a thorough investigation, we are likely to find a wild mix of emotions—love, lust, judgment, anger, jealousy, envy, shame, heartbreak, hope, longing, and more. Many of these emotions can be painful, confusing, and keep us disconnected from others.
But, clear vision brings new choices. When we see our patterns clearly, the unconscious control they hold on us automatically loosens. From there, we have freedom to act in alignment with our conscious values and desires.
My hopeful inquiry for all of us:
Can we expand our self-knowledge beyond the “nice”, socially acceptable parts of who we are?
Can we find compassion for all different parts of ourselves, little by little?
Can we use all our interactions in service of becoming more aware, authentic, and free?
One of the most powerful ways to do this is to practice mindful dating and relationships.
What does this practice look like?
Using every single interaction as an opportunity to observe who we are (instead of trying to “win” the game via manipulative behaviors). Just like we would in a meditation, we can cultivate a space of stillness within ourselves that keeps us grounded, as in the eye of the storm. Putting on a metaphorical scientist’s hat while dating, journaling, sharing our observations with trusted friends, working with a coach; there are many ways to intentionally cultivate self-awareness.
Cultivating intentional kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others—not as a “fake” people-pleasing mechanism, but as a conscious choice. Not only does this heal our own hearts, but it also brings healing into a world that so desperately needs it.
Leaning into acceptance of outcomes. Trusting that our most heart-centered relationships are born not from control or manipulation, but from authenticity and genuine care. By the way, practicing acceptance of outcomes is a deep form of self-love.
Excited to practice mindful dating & relationships? Let’s do it! Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching, or check out my upcoming Romantic Self-Discovery Small Group starting on July 18th! :)
Wishing you a love-filled summer,
Marie xo
