🦋 From jadedness to in-loveness: Transcending cynicism in dating & relationships

🤦🏽‍♂️ Feeling cynical about dating & relationships?

🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t blame you. Dating & relationships are a hotbed of bad behavior and disappointments.

😢 Ghosting, gaslighting, selfishness, rejection, abusive patterns, poor communication, flakiness, betrayal, entitlement, deflection of responsibility… There are myriad ways to get disappointed in relationships.

⚡️ Maybe you’ve been burned and have given up on love. Maybe you’re “trying to stay open”, but every date seems to bring more evidence that it’s all helpless.

☁️ Or maybe you’re involved a relationship that you think is “good enough” to stay in, but you feel disconnected and unsatisfied—and you hold on to the cynical belief that this is just how relationships are.

👿 Maybe you are facing your own demons or shortcomings. You caused harm to someone else, and the shame is making you feel powerless and disillusioned.

😅 With this infinite landscape of challenges, is it even possible to NOT get cynical in love…?

👉🏼 Let’s first acknowledge what cynicism does for us.

💡 Our bodies and minds are intelligent. They protect us from hurt when we sense that do not have the power or the tools to create a different reality.

🎭 Cynicism is a normal defense mechanism we create as an ARMOR to protect our hearts from pain.

⚔️ Being cynical serves to dampen our vulnerability, by “pretending” we don’t really care about love, or need love.

🔒 Cynicism does create a veil of protection. However, it can also prevent us from engaging with other humans in a way that is open, genuine, and that can lead to authentic romance and intimacy!

🦋 It takes deep resolve to move beyond cynicism, especially once it’s become an engrained habit. Maybe you’ve even wrapped your identity around it and it’s become a personality trait.

But let’s get real:

🔥 You want to be seen. Loved. Cherished.

🔥 You want to give. Trust. Bond deeply.

🧎🏻‍♀️ I’ve SO been there—struggling between wanting to let love in, and wanting to protect my heart from pain.

🙈 I’m still struggling with it every day! I don’t expect the tension between self-protection and connection to ever fully end.

🦋 But something deeply changed my life: I’ve made the adamant decision to walk the path of vulnerability and love, no matter what. That’s a commitment that’s backed up by consistent action.

❤️ It’s allowed me to fall in love not only with people, but with myself, and with life itself.

🙏 This transformation has been happening over time from developing clear vision, aligned choices, emotional strength & resilience, discernment, and relational skills.

👉🏼 Here is what I found to be the main steps on my journey from jadedness to in-loveness:

1️⃣ DESIRE. Give yourself permission to feel into your desire for love & connection. Visualize it; cultivate a special place within yourself where that desire is allowed to exist and blossom. This desire & vision will give you courage to open your heart again.

2️⃣ ALIGNED CHOICES. Align your love strategy—whether you’re single, dating, or in partnership(s)—with your deepest values and purpose.

3️⃣ RESILIENCE. Learn to become more resilient to disappointment and hurt (because let’s be real: you won’t always avoid it). Your heart is stronger than you may think! Once you develop more emotional & nervous system strength, you won’t need to keep other humans away from you. This process involves committing to enhanced self-care and self-love practices, cultivating a strong network of friendships, aligning your life with your purpose, and adopting an empowering mindset.

4️⃣ DISCERNMENT. Refine your discernment about whom you date. Are your sexual attractions leading you towards toxic relationships? Learn to “read” people more deeply so you can filter for character traits needed for healthy relating.

5️⃣ RELATIONAL SKILLSET. Learn a relational skillset of authentic communication and healthy boundaries. This will give you confidence to interact with others while not abandoning yourself, which is the basis of genuine emotional safety.

😍 Let me know what you think and how they resonate with your own journey!

🧚🏾 Want support and guidance on your journey from jadedness to in-loveness? Schedule a free exploratory session!